grandma shit on top of the toilet
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
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