The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
