You did not just play the dead husband card again.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
