You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
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My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
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Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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