I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
