You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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