so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
