I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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