Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
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