a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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