i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
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Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
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you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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