Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
