Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
