i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
