is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
