Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
