Do you still have your period?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
