May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
