You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
