If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
