Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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