We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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