I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
