We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
