I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
