my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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