I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
