I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
