im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
