i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Come see our sink grown plant.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
