On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
