if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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