alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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