Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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