i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I cannot find my penis.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
