This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
