my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
