You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
