It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
