I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
