Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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