didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
His nipple licking is glorious
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