We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Randomize
