I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You need Xanax blowdarts
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm bleeding and have questions
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
