I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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