Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
40s are totally the cure
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
