pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
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Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Pants are for mortals
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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