I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
