Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
