the condom got lost in my hair
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
