I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
