i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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