If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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