thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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