So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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