i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
