Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize