No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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