so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
