You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
