TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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