I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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