went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
