she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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