Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I will pee on everything he values.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
