i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
